Blindsided

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Natalie Thornton woke up with a jolt, feeling an overwhelming sense of unease. Everything around her had shifted overnight, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she was still lying in the same bed she shared with her husband, Ben. If only she could see it to be sure.

Everything remained untouched since the accident. It was comforting to know precisely where everything was in the room. The sameness helped her cope with the pain during her long and difficult recovery.

The bedside table was always on her right at three o’clock, the door was just beyond the foot of her bed at six o’clock, and the window, which was never open, was always to her left at nine o’clock. But she could hear dogs barking in the distance and feel a cool breeze on her shoulders, which meant the window was open. When she tried to grab her cell phone from the bedside table, she was shocked to discover that both the table and the phone were missing.

The bedroom smelled different than usual, too. The nutty aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. Why was the carafe already in the room? Ben never made the coffee until he knew she was awake. But then, she noticed a sweet, gentle perfume scent that neither of them wore. Who could be wearing it? Her heart raced as she tried to place it, adding to her growing sense of foreboding. Ben had always gone to great lengths to make her feel safe and protected. But the sudden shift in her environment frightened her and made her feel vulnerable.

Springing upright in bed, with her back rigid, she yelled out, “Ben, where are you?”

“I’m right here,” he replied calmly.

“How long had you been standing there?”

“Not standing,” he said, correcting her. “I’ve been sitting here for the past thirty minutes waiting for you to wake up.”

“Why is everything in the bedroom so different this morning?”

“I got bored while I was waiting and decided a change of pace might be nice.”

“Well, it isn’t,” she said still feeling anxious. “What did you do with my cell phone?”

“I put it in your purse,” he answered indifferently.

“I can’t call anyone if it’s in my purse, Ben.”

“Who do you call other than me? And you only call me when you need something.”

“I see,” she said, unable to comprehend why her husband was being so curt with her. “Can we please talk about this later? I want to go back to sleep.” Pulling the blanket up and clutching it around her neck. “And would you please close the window? It’s cold in here,” she added.

“Sure,” he said. “I’ll close it on my way out.”

Why did you open it anyway?” she asked, immediately regretting the question.

“It’s stuffy in here. The room needs airing out.”

“Not first thing in the morning, it doesn’t. What time is it anyway?”

“It’s seven a.m.”

“Really, Ben? It’s a little early in the morning for all this nonsense, don’t you think?”

“It’s not nonsense, Natalie. Seven o’clock is a perfectly respectable hour to get out of bed. Some people even go to work at this hour.”

“Yeah, well, it’s too early for me.”

“Noon is too early for you, dear,” he said sarcastically.

Natalie paused and took another whiff of the perfume that seemed to be coming from her left side. “Did you bring me flowers?”

“I grabbed some lilacs from the garden,” he said casually. “I figured you might enjoy them.”

“Lilacs in September?” she asked. They should have bloomed months ago. No wonder I didn’t recognize the scent.”

Once Natalie had calmed down and felt more at ease with the changes Ben had made to her surroundings, she could no longer avoid the angry tone in her husband’s voice. He only got like that when he didn’t know how to express his feelings. Surely, he couldn’t be upset because of her reaction to the room. He would have been able to communicate that to her. Something much bigger than that was bothering him, and she was determined to find out what it was.

“Is everything okay, Ben?” she asked, probing for an answer. “Why are you so mad at me?”

“I’m not mad,” he said. “But when you’re done sleeping, we do need to talk.”

“No, this sounds serious, let’s talk now,” she said, moving to the edge of the bed and cupping her hands around the bedpost.

“Very well, if you insist,” he said, tapping his fingers on the table that stood alongside his chair, emphasizing his frustration. “It’s over, Nat. I’m done. I can’t go on living like this anymore.”

Ben’s harsh confession caught her off guard. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, the accident was months ago. It’s time for you to get out of that bed and get back to living your life. You do nothing but sleep all day, watch TV, and feel sorry for yourself. Enough is enough.”

“I can’t,” she resisted, pushing a long strand of her jet-black hair away from her face. “I just can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” he urged. “And you’re going to start today. Whether you like it or not.”

“Why are you being so cruel to me?” She asked, feeling helpless.

Natalie’s response frustrated Ben all the more, and he pushed back harder, “I can’t keep waiting on you hand and foot anymore. I’m exhausted. You’ve given up on life, and you’ve given up on us. I don’t exist in this marriage anymore.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you exist in this marriage,” she said, reassuring him. “My feelings for you haven’t changed. But I’m blind now. And that changes everything.”

“Your blindness may not be permanent, and you know it,” he shot back coldly.

“Oh, it’s permanent all right,” she said, releasing her grip on the bedpost and lying back down. She turned her back to Ben, hid beneath the covers, and tried to hide her quiet whimpering.

“Stop being so dramatic,” Ben said getting up from the chair and accidentally knocking their wedding photo off the table. When the frame hit the floor, the crashing glass shattered and echoed throughout the room. It startled Ben, but Natalie pretended not to notice. “Your doctors said they wouldn’t know for months whether you’d be able to see again or not. And even if you are permanently blind, it doesn’t make you an invalid.”

“I feel like an invalid,” she said, choking back the tears that were now streaming down her face.

Ben lowered his voice to a near whisper, feeling some compassion for his distraught wife, “Being blind isn’t the worst thing in the world, Nat. What are you really afraid of?”

With her beautiful green eyes, the money makers, shrouded behind layers of gauze and firmly taped shut, Natalie feared that being condemned to a world of perpetual darkness would prevent her from ever walking the catwalk again.

But that wasn’t her biggest fear. She hadn’t seen her face since the accident and didn’t know if it had been badly scarred or not. When a semi-truck plowed into the rear of her Volvo, Natalie had been thrown from the driver’s seat, through the windshield, and onto the unpaved street, landing face down. It had taken the doctors hours to pick the gravel and glass out of her eyes, cheeks, and forehead. She dreaded that moment when she’d have to look at herself in the mirror for the first time when the bandages came off. She almost wished she would forever be blind. And sometimes, she wished they hadn’t brought her back to life when she died on the operating table.

Natalie had walked some of the most iconic runways in New York, Paris, and Milan. Her captivating face had adorned the coveted covers of Vogue, Marie Claire, Glamour, and other highly prestigious magazines. It was highly unusual for a plus-size model to gain such notoriety, but Natalie had worked hard to gain the attention of some of the best designers, opening the door to other models, like her. Not being able to strut down the runway was bad enough. But the paparazzi, who would have a field day splashing her disfigured image across tabloids throughout the world, horrified her. And it would permanently end her career. As far as she was concerned, her life might as well be over.

“Who’s going to hire a blind model to walk down the runway,” she finally responded.

“Nat, you wouldn’t be the first blind model to ever walk a runway.”

“That’s true, I suppose. But there wouldn’t be as many opportunities, and my income would be greatly reduced.”

“So what? If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. But if it’s just about the money, then you’ll have to think about doing something else. Maybe it’s time to start that modeling agency you’ve always talked about.”

“Really, Ben? If it were not for my modeling career, you wouldn’t have that antique car collection outside in that showroom you call a garage.”

“Great, so now you’re going to attack me. If it weren’t for me, where would you be right now? Do you see anybody else here taking care of you? Besides, I make a pretty good living as a plastic surgeon, you know.

No longer able to contain his anger, he added, “You can’t be a model forever, and you don’t have many years left.”

“Gee, thanks for reminding me,” she sneered. “Will you be able to fix my face if it looks ugly when they take the bandages off?”

“Ah, so that’s what this is really all about,” Ben retorted. “I should have known. It’s not your eyes you’re worried about, it’s your looks. Everything always comes down to that.” Ben stormed over to the side of the bed and pulled the covers off of Natalie who was curled up in the fetal position. “I’m done with this crap,” he said. “Get up and eat your breakfast. I brought you your favorite. A cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. And the coffee is extra strong. Just the way you like it.”

“I’m not hungry,” she said.

“Suit yourself. But it’ll be hours before we stop for lunch.” Ben stood alongside the bed with his arms folded across his chest. He wasn’t budging until she got up.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean we’re going for a ride. If you’re not going to eat, then you’re going to get up and get dressed.” He reached down to help her out of bed. “C’mon, Natalie. I mean it. It’s time to get up.”

Going to her closet, Ben grabbed her favorite dark indigo skinny jeans from a hanger. The ones that clung to her legs and revealed just enough to showcase her long legs and curvy hips. He then pulled a white cotton tank top out of the drawer and laid them both on the bed in front of her. It was the outfit she liked to wear most often when they went on long drives in the convertible. He knew that once she had them on, she would recognize them immediately and be pleased with his selection.

When he finished helping her get dressed, he took her lightweight denim jacket out of the closet, and casually laid it on her shoulders. He then draped the strap of her crossbody purse over her shoulder, and let it rest diagonally on her opposite hip. Without thinking, she reached inside, took out her sunglasses, and tried to put them on.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“Vermont,” he said coolly.

“I don’t want to go to Vermont. It’s too far. Besides, you know I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.”

Natalie had been hiding away in her bedroom since coming home from the hospital. She turned away everyone who had come to see her. Only Ben was allowed inside their room. If he hadn’t been in the hospital with her every day, she wouldn’t have let him see her either. She would have made him stay in the guest room. But he had been there since he heard about the accident. With a waiting room full of patients, he left them to be with her. He had held her hand and whispered words of encouragement in her ear. And he helped her to eat, get dressed, and bathe. Ben was the only person she trusted. Why did he turn on her so suddenly?

“Don’t worry about who’ll see you,” Ben said, paying no attention to her gripes. “Let’s just get out and enjoy this beautiful day. I’ll put the top down so you can get some sun on your face. You look peaked. Not a good look for a model.”

“Very funny. Why don’t you just be glad I’m going and stop taking potshots at my looks? It’s not very becoming of a plastic surgeon.”

“Touché’, my dear. Touché.”

By the time they hit the road, it was nearly noon, and the outside temperature was quickly rising. Nearly eighty degrees by Ben’s calculation. As the car sped north along the Taconic State Parkway from their home in Croton-on-Hudson, they sat in silence while Ben took in the scenery of New York’s lower Hudson Valley.

Ben kept his eyes on the road, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the steering wheel to a tune only he could hear in his head. Natalie stared out the passenger side window, looking at nothing but darkness. The tension from their earlier fight hung over them like a thick fog. What was the point of taking a long car ride to the country when she couldn’t see? To Natalie, it made no sense at all.

Ben had always loved taking long rides in the country and seeing the sun beaming down on the rolling hills. This trip was turning out to be a stressful one, but he was enjoying the scenery, nonetheless.

Natalie usually enjoyed the ride to Vermont as much as Ben did. But without her eyesight, she could only visualize the journey in her mind, which she could easily do. She and Ben had driven to their Vermont home hundreds of times. She knew every stretch of the highway by heart. And every shop and restaurant along Route 22 and Route 9 into Bennington. She and Ben loved to explore antique shops, and there were plenty of them along the way. But there would be no shopping during this trip. Ben seemed anxious to get this trip over with. He wanted to get there and fast. He hadn’t made any one of his usual stops, except for the one at Stewart’s Shops to buy gas.

The whirring sound of the car’s motor put Natalie in a hypnotic state. Her thoughts drifted back to the day she had met Ben at an exclusive fundraising Gala in New York City. He was thirty-three at the time, ten years older than her. Always a socialite, even then, he looked dashing in his long black Versace jacket with matching shirt and tie. She was immediately drawn to his handsomely rugged face and sparkling blue eyes. But it was his mop of tousled blonde hair that made her laugh and fall in love with him. When he looked at her and smiled, she knew she would marry him one day. That smile of his could light up the world, she thought.

Even though they were both dating other people, their courtship began with a dinner date two days later. They spent countless hours together, exploring Manhattan and getting to know each other. After three months, they were already talking about their future together. And six months later, they got married. They had to give up their dream of having children, though. Natalie couldn’t conceive. So, they decided to adopt instead. But their careers took off quickly, and they never got around to doing it.

The small sports car hit a bump in the road, pulling Natalie out of her reverie. “So, where in Vermont are you taking me?” she asked. “The cabin?”

“No. I’m taking you where they’ll never find you, my dear.”

“I beg your pardon,” she shot back, completely stunned.

“You heard me.”

“Ben, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I told you back at the house, I can’t do this anymore. You treat me like a houseboy, and I’ve had enough.”

Suddenly, Natalie understood why she felt so scared when she first woke up. She had always had a sixth sense. “Take me home right now,” she said. “You’re scaring me.”

“It’s too late to go back now. Everything’s been set in motion.”

“You can’t be serious about this. You’re talking about murdering me.”

“That’s right, I am. And I’m deadly serious about it.”

“I thought you loved me.”

“I did. Once. In some ways, I suppose I still do. But I love Rebecca more, and we want to be together. This is the only way I know how to make that happen.”

“Who the hell is Rebecca?” She shrieked.

“My new nurse. I hired her six months ago, remember?”

“No, I don’t ever remember you mentioning her name to me.”

“That’s too bad. For you,” he said. “We’ve been having an affair for the past three months.”

“That’s when I had my accident.”

“Yeah, that’s about right. I spent my days at the hospital with you and my nights with Rebecca.”

“Was she in our bedroom with you this morning? And was it her perfume I was smelling, and not the lilacs from the garden?”

“That’s very astute of you, dear.”

“You son-of-a-bitch,” she cursed swinging her fist at him, missing by a mile.

“Be nice to me, dear. And I may let you live a little longer.”

“You know, Ben, most people just ask for a divorce. You don’t need to resort to murder. If you want to be with your mistress, that’s fine with me. I won’t stop you.”

“You couldn’t if you tried, dear.”

“Pull this damn car over to the shoulder and let me out now. I’m done with you and this conversation.”

“I’m not letting you out of the car, Natalie. Nor am I letting you out of my sight. At least not until you’re dead. You do know you’re worth millions to me, right?”

“What?” she shrieked. “Have you gone crazy?”

“What do you think all those insurance forms were about? You know, the ones I had you sign in the hospital.”

“I signed release forms. For the surgery. In case something went wrong, or I died.”

“Yeah, well, you survived. On to Plan B.”

“There were no insurance forms, Ben. Just stop it.”

“Oh, that’s right. You couldn’t see them. I put them right on top of the release forms, and you signed everything I put in front of you. You literally signed your life away, dear,” he said with a hearty laugh.

Natalie tried frantically to motion to the other vehicles on the road that she was in trouble. She even tried screaming. But Ben just laughed at her.

“Nice try,” he said. “But we’re the only car on the road. Have been for miles. And don’t bother reaching for your purse either. Your cell phone isn’t in it. It’s on your bureau at home.”

“This is one of your pathetic jokes, isn’t it?” she spat at him.

Ignoring Natalie, Ben turned the tuning dial on his ’67 rally red Corvette to his favorite oldies radio station. As soon as he heard a familiar melody, he cranked up the volume and started singing along, hoping to drown her out.

“You’re not getting away with this,” she shouted over the music. “What’re you going to do when you’ve got me out of the picture?”

“What’ll I do
With just a photograph
To tell my troubles to?

When I’m alone
With only dreams of you
That won’t come true
What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?”

Natalie defiantly turned off the radio. “I can’t take another minute of your caterwauling,” she said in a huff. “Just shut up. Please.”

“What? You suddenly don’t like Irving Berlin now?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, and smiling to himself. “Or are you just in a bad mood?”

“Really, Ben? You have me trapped in this cherry bomb, taking me to the middle of nowhere to do God knows what with me, and I’m supposed to be happy about it?”

“Oh, you know what I’m going to do with you.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“I’m going to kill you and throw your body in the lake, remember?” Ben reached out and patted Natalie’s hand as if knowing how he planned on murdering her would bring her some sort of comfort.

“You’re smiling right now, aren’t you? I can tell. I may not be able to see your face, but I know you well enough to tell when you’re amused by something. You think this is funny, don’t you?”

“Immensely,” Ben replied with a sadistic laugh.

“Well, I’m not amused. I don’t think this is at all funny. I think it’s sick. Either take me home or pull over and let me out.”

“Yes, dear. Anything you say.”

To confuse her, Ben made several twists and turns only to continue heading in the same direction they were going. Hours had passed since they left New York. And when they finally reached their destination, he said, “We’re here, dear. Now you can get out.”

“Where is here?” she asked. “We can’t be back home in Croton yet? Or did you take me to the cabin?”

“I told you we weren’t going to the cabin. But we’re not far from it. We’re at Emerald Lake.”

“Emerald Lake?” she repeated. “What are we doing at Emerald Lake?”

“This is where I’m going to kill you. And then dump your body in the lake.”

“Oh dear God, no. Ben, please. Don’t do this. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Nope, sorry. Let’s go.” Ben pulled Natalie out of the car and led her forcefully down a long path.

She tried pulling away from his clutches, but he had her under his full control. She could smell the lake as they were getting closer to it. It had a distinct odor. And although she had never been there before, there was something vaguely familiar about it.

“Ben, stop, or I’ll scream.”

“Go ahead, see if I care. We’re deep in the woods. And it’s off-season. By the time they find your remains, I’ll be long gone. And it’ll be just me and Rebecca.”

“And just how do you plan on killing me?” she asked him, trying to buy some time so she could think of a way to escape.

“You know that stop we made along the way?”

“You mean when you stopped in Bennington to buy gas?”

“You just thought I was buying gas. I went to the cabin and picked up my rifle. I’m a hunter, remember? You seemed to have forgotten a lot since your accident.”

Their cabin, nestled deep in the woods, was Ben’s private oasis. The Batten Kill River that meandered behind it made it feel cozy and rustic. He had often done some turkey hunting there, as was common in the area, so no one would think twice about hearing gunshots. But because he loved the house so much, she knew he would never taint it by killing her there. And with the river being so narrow, dumping her body would pose a problem. The police would be sure to find her and quickly figure out who her murderer was. But being in the lake, she knew they’d never look for her there.

She thought about making a run for it, but she had no idea which way to turn. Would she be running away from Ben, or running to him?

“I’ll give you anything you want. Just name it. The money. The houses. Whatever you want, it’s yours. Just let me go.”

“Oh please. I’m going to get everything anyway. So, what does it matter? Letting you live would be far too risky.”

“What does it matter?” Natalie abruptly turned around as if to look Ben directly in the eyes. “After twelve years of marriage, my life means nothing to you?”

“No, dear. Not a thing. Keep moving.” Pushing her forward along the path, they came to a grassy area. He reached out, stopping her. “This is the end of the line, my dear. Are you ready?”

“Ready?” she shrieked, trying to turn around again.

“Don’t move,” he said.

“Ben, please,” Natalie said, breathing rapidly. Her pulse was racing, and she began to feel faint.

“I’m gonna count to three so you’ll know when it’s coming.”

“Dear God,” she whispered. “This can’t be happening.”

“One.”

“Ben, wait,” she screamed.

“Two.” Natalie heard what sounded like a rifle being cocked.

“Please, I’m begging you.” Natalie tried desperately to ready herself for her final breaths, thinking only about the love she and Ben used to have for one another. If only somehow this made sense to her.

“Three.”

Happy Birthday, Natalie! A dozen voices shouted out in unison. A split second later she heard another cocking sound and realized it was the popping of a champagne bottle being uncorked.

Frantically, she searched her mind, hoping to find some explanation for what was going on, but nothing that came to mind made any sense. She couldn’t tell who any of the voices belonged to or how many of them there were. Frustrated, she demanded, “What the hell is going on here?”

“It’s your birthday, silly. Or did you forget that, too? Ben asked while chuckling at her at her sudden forgetfulness. Usually, Natalie remembered everything.

“My birthday? You did all of this for my birthday?”

“Yes, dear, I did.”

Trying to regain her composure and steady her nerves, Natalie finally realized, “Oh my God, it is my birthday. With the accident and the surgery – you’re right – I completely forgot all about it.” Natalie put her hand over her heart. It was still beating a mile a minute. “Jesus Christ, Ben. Did you have to scare me half to death like that?”

“Yes, Nat. Unfortunately, I had to,” he said as the caterer began ushering the guests into the house for dancing and hors d’oeuvres. “We’ll be right in, folks.”

“Why did you do this? And why in front of our friends? I thought you were really going to kill me,” she said, reaching her hands out, trying to find a chair.

“They were all in on it, dear. And making it so believable that it scared you half to death was the whole idea,” he said, helping her to sit down in the patio chair.

“So, you all thought this was funny, and it was just a ruse to get me out of the house?”

“No, sweetheart. No one thought this was funny. And I didn’t do this just to get you out of the house.” Ben sat down next to Natalie and took her hand in his, holding it tightly. “You were so depressed that life had become meaningless to you. At the hospital, you fought hard to live, even when you flatlined on the operating table. You were gone so long that they almost gave up trying to revive you. Do you remember what you said to me when you opened your eyes?”

“I said I was given the choice to come back or stay. I chose to come back because I wanted more time with you.”

“That right,” he said, his eyes filling with tears. “It broke my heart to see you lose the desire to live. I had to resort to drastic measures to prove to you that your life wasn’t over and that you still had plenty to live for. Even if it meant scaring you half to death.”

“But I don’t know how to live as a blind person.”

“I know. But you’ll learn. If it comes to that. And I’ll help you. And for the record, the parts of your face I can see, there is no scaring. And if there is any when the bandages come off, I’ll fix it. It’s what I do,” he said with a smile in his voice.

“How are you going to feel being married to me if I can never see again?”

“I’ll survive it. And so will you.” Ben placed his hands on both sides of Natalie’s face and gently kissed her lips.

“So, then, you really don’t hate me?”

“No, darling, I don’t hate you. I love you very deeply. I always have. And I always will. Never doubt that.” Ben took his thumb and wiped away the tears that were falling down Natalie’s cheeks. “Will you forgive me for deceiving you?”

“Yes, I will forgive you. Eventually,” she said as the smell of lilac perfume wafted past her nostrils. “By the way,” she added, “Rebecca is history.”

“And what would you have me do with her? Kill her and throw her in the lake?” he asked teasingly.

“Very funny,” she said, laughing. “Is she here? I’d like to meet her.”

“There is no Rebecca, sweetheart. I made her up.”

“You made her up?” Natalie quickly stood up, turning from left to right, trying to assess her surroundings. “Ben, where are we?”

“In the backyard.”

“At the cabin in Vermont?”

“No, dear, we’re in Croton.”

“In the garden next to the lilac bush?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And the water I smell is the pond behind our house and not Emerald Lake?”

“I didn’t even know the pond had an odor,” he said in astonishment. “I never smelled anything before. But we’re definitely not at Emerald Lake.”

“You mean to tell me, we just spent the last four hours on the road, going nowhere, just so the caterer could set up my party, and you could give me a heart attack?”

With a heavy sigh, he said, “Well, to be honest with you, we did go to Vermont. And I did gas up at Stewart’s. But then I turned around and headed back home.”

“You know you’re sleeping in the guest room tonight, right Ben?”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that.”

Walking arm in arm into the house to greet their guests, Natalie leaned into Ben and whispered into his ear, “Maybe it’s time we looked into adopting that baby we always talked about.”

“I would love that very much,” he said, flashing his wide and handsome smile that had always lit up Natalie’s world. And one day very soon, she would get to see that smile again, along with their baby’s sweet, adorable face, and she would fall in love all over again.

by Lorrie Lush


Lorrie Lush is a multi-talented writer, editor, and creative writing professor. She’s a published author of many non-fiction stories and now focuses on writing fiction. In addition to her extensive experience in education, she has owned and managed her own IT company. Lorrie is also the publisher of Readals and enjoys hiking with her two canine companions, Oliver and Sadie.

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